I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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