So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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