turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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