I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize