Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
