her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
