I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
