I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
