mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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