it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
