if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
