I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
