Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
