Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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