After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
