i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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