I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
