How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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