what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize