Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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