My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
