I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
