yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
