Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
