I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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