that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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