Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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