I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
