my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
