your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
