I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have fence marks all over my body
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
