I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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