haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
