I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
