11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize