We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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