I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
