That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
