Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
