Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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