I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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