just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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