im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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