thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
