Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
