I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
