She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
