just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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