the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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