i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
