We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
