Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
nutella sex= disaster
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
