just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
