porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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