Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize