I wish I could teleport
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
