I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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