It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I enjoy the company of your penis
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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