My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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