I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize