yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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