I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize