Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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