Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
