talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
