I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize