dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
